Undoctrinated Daughter

So, in everything you do, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets. – Matthew 7:12 (the words of Christ)

This blog started as a marriage blog as Jeremy and I celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary this month; however, as I began to prepare to write and share, the Holy Spirit quickly shifted my direction to relationships in general. The bible is filled with examples of a healthy marriage: just look at Jesus and his bride. But I think God is giving us a more profound picture in this most celebrated relationship – it is His plan for relationships in general. God made us for relationships. He designed us for relationships. From the beginning with Adam, the Father, and a help mate through Eve, God has destined and designed us for relationships…but we often fail.

I recently read an article about Fundamental Attribution Error (FAE). This error occurs when we blame someone’s actions on their character rather than a situational flaw. For instance, someone cuts you off while driving and you yell, “________” (fill in the blank with your own creativity). You have blamed their character for their action rather than the situational flaw, which could have been as innocent as not seeing you in their vehicle’s blind spot. That is FAE. You get in an argument at work about next steps for a project and you blame the opposition’s lack of creativity and idiocy instead of considering what led to the situation becoming a heated argument instead of a healthy discussion. That is FAE. Or worst yet, you lose your cool with your children or spouse because you had a difficult day, your headache isn’t helping, and you feel overwhelmed, and then your children or spouse consider you a terrible human because you lost your cool (ouch, it hits differently when you become the problem). That is FAE – directed at you.

Our relationships could thrive, be considerate, and filled with grace, with the obedience to a very simple statement by Jesus himself, “…do to others what you you would have them do to you…”

In every relationship (not just marriage) what do we all desire? Understanding, grace, mercy, compassion, and LOVE are just a few of those desires. When we attack, blame, make crude statements, name-call, we are not relationship building; we are in full relationship destruction. We don’t consider the situation; we just blame the other person’s very clear personal flaws (ouch, again). Our flesh may want to lash-out, destroy, be angry, but a Holy Spirit filled life chooses love and peace and self-control. The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy. Jesus came to give us life, and a life full and abundant (John 10:10).

Remember the WWJD bracelet trend? In our relationships, maybe we need to bring that trend back to our hearts…What would Jesus Do? Would he lash out and participate in FAE, or would He stop, look to the Father, and react in love and grace (even when it isn’t reciprocated)?

Real relationship building is tough…but real love is tough, too.

Love tough.

XOXO, Loni