Undoctrinated Daughter

 Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?  Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” – Matthew 18: 2-22

Forgiveness. Forgiveness. Forgiveness. This word. This word carries A LOT of weight. And with the weight is also the command we have (as lovers of Jesus) to obey this heavy weighted word: forgive.

I was reminded of the weight and heaviness of this word as I was able to walk a long-time friend through a difficult time this week. Her inner-mama bear came out a little too much. She got emotional a little too much. She yelled a little too much…and the aftermath became a little too much. And where forgiveness should never be a little too much, she wasn’t given any at all.

But while my heart was heavy for all parties navigating BIG emotions (and not necessarily the forgiving kind), what broke my heart was the realization of how little we forgive ourselves. She had to accept that others wouldn’t readily forgive, but she just couldn’t get past the guilt of acting from BIG, hurt mama bear emotions. And when she shared that she just kept asking God for forgiveness and healing and protection…my comment was, “You only have to ask once.”

You only have to ask once. God doesn’t command us to beg, plead, and repeat. He commands us to repent – that’s it. We mess up. We repent. He forgives. He knows our hearts – the inner most recesses of our nasty, selfish, prideful, self-righteous, etc. hearts. He knows it all. And yet, He not only forgives…He keeps no record of wrongs ( 1 Corinthians 13:5). He forgives AND He forgets. I often hear people comment that they can forgive but they can’t forget. It’s tough. I get it. But it’s necessary. True healing comes from a clean heart AND a clean slate.

But reader, the most difficult person to forgive AND forget is You. We carry shame, guilt, regret, and the constant replay of what we did wrong, the what ifs, or what we messed up for the hundredth time like a permanent rucksack that just gets bigger and heavier with every mistake. We don’t lay it down, we carry it seventy times seven.

Do you know that you are disobeying and grieving the Spirit every time you ask forgiveness but don’t forgive yourself? That verse isn’t just for the person who wronged you in the most obvious ways…it’s also for you to forgive yourself. As much as Abba has forgiven you, why don’t you forgive you?

Forgiveness doesn’t ignore the sin, forgiveness releases the offender of the debt of their action, which demonstrates the grace and mercy of Christ that was freely paid and given to us…Friend, why haven’t you released yourself from the debt, the sin, the iniquity that Christ has already forgiven for you? We can’t control how others will respond to our actions, apologies, or humility, but we can control how we listen and obey God’s truth: with love, humility, and forgiveness – for us and others.

Stop carrying the weight. Stop carrying the heaviness. Drop the rucksack. And let His mercy and grace freely forgive YOU and others. His grace changes everything. EVERY. THING.

I forgive you, Loni. XOXO, Me