Undoctrinated Daughter

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. – Psalm 19

Oh, how this family has changed over 18 years. Not only have we moved, switched jobs, had babies (gained 18 pounds – the bearded beauty, too), lost and gained loved ones, we have also built and left ministries while growing and changing spiritually with every significant and insignificant change. And yet, with every change, God remains the same.

And with every gain and every loss, I am so grateful.

We spent yesterday hanging as a family, going shopping, and then venturing to a place to hit some golf balls for food and fun. We had so much fun until I didn’t…towards the end of our golf extravaganza, the bearded beauty was attempting to fix my swing (an unwanted gesture), I got embarrassed and frustrated at this unwanted gesture, and this led to unwanted silence for the remaining 2-hour ride home. Sounds silly. Was silly. And yet, still happened. We allowed something so trivial to become the meditation of our hearts. We will never get those 2 hours back. We will never get to redo that deafening silence.

Yet, with every moment of silence, I am so grateful.

That deafening silence was an opportunity for God to work on this heart. And as we sat on the couch later that evening, watching a silly show, a scene made me laugh out loud at what the two main characters were doing to one another (one almost drowning the other in an attempt to teach them something) was a direct reflection of my bearded beauty’s futile attempts to teach me golf (and just how he loves me in general) and my lack of desire to learn it. My laughter erupted his laughter and the rest is history.

And with every obnoxious laugh, I am so grateful.

We can live, laugh, and love because the meditations of these hearts are constantly circling back from our imperfections to Christ’s perfect love. Our selfish desires and prideful hearts could have easily spilled over into the morning, but instead, through the love and discipline from our Father, forgiveness ensued. But this quick forgiveness and ability to perfectly love one another in all of our imperfections did not happen over night. This took a lot of lessons and understanding of the love of our good, good Father. This took meditating on His word and His perfect love throughout all of our easy and difficult seasons.

With every difficult lesson and strenuous season, I am so grateful.

We love because Christ first loved us (1 John 4:19). I don’t know if you are struggling with unforgiveness, bitterness, pride, jealousy…but I do know a Savior who forgives and redeems. I often think of what that cross looked like the day our Savior chose death for us. I often wonder what it felt like to literally feel the weight of the sin of this world when I can barely handle the weight of my own. And in those moments, I am so grateful He chose us. I am so grateful that the meditations of my heart bring me back to Him and His love – always.

Friends, choose love. Choose Him. For you, for Him, for unconditional, undeserving, relentless love, I am so grateful.

May His love be the meditation of your heart today and always.

XOXO, Loni