Undoctrinated Daughter

If we confess our sins, he is faithful & just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9

I tried to get the perfect picture of this spider and her web while I was out on my run this morning. This beautiful web and spider and her prey were hanging so delicately from the tall grass along a corn field, and I just had to get the picture to show my sweet insect loving child at home. Unfortunately, my camera wouldn’t focus on the spider as I was trying to get it to go in portrait mode, and when that wouldn’t work, I absent mindedly reached for a blade of grass that was in the way and tugged at it, releasing the spider from her delicate web and ruining her masterpiece and potential breakfast. I stomped away at my lack of picture but most importantly, frustrated with the fact that in my selfish desire, I had disturbed this delicate part of nature – one in which I highly respect (I love a good spider and her web). And all of this for the “perfect picture.”

And immediately, there was the conviction. How often do we attempt to have the “perfect picture”? I could spend countless sentences on how we (everyone) just try to do that in normal every day life with social media and all the filters, but I am talking to my Jesus-loving friends this morning. And I am guilty, guilty, guilty.

This week was rough. I had to watch one of my children get hurt (again) because of “friends” who can’t help but insult this child of mine even from afar. After months of working through the mindless and often flippant comments from a coach, now we were back to square one, working through all the emotions all over again – mostly frustration -but with kiddos (again) and the bewilderment of “why”. . .

And why do I share this? Because life isn’t perfect. Life is messy. One small disturbance in the balance, can wreck the entire web. Our kids aren’t perfect. Our attitudes aren’t perfect. Our responses aren’t perfect. I love Jesus and He loves me and guess what – still not perfect! I don’t share this as a “woe is me” moment – I share this because in our strive for perfection or at least appearing to be, we sometimes miss out on the importance of imperfection and trusting the Perfect Creator.

My eldest calls me a “cupcake”. And truly, I am, but this week, I learned I’m a cupcake to a fault. I have allowed others and their feelings to rule over my own and sometimes even at the expense of my own children (I even hesitated to share what happened with my kiddo to not hurt or offend anyone). In my pursuit to be like Jesus, I got caught up in “appearing” to look like Jesus rather than being like Jesus. Our superficial, picture perfect society infiltrated my heart’s desire to emulate Christ – truly emulate the love of the Savior. In doing so, I compromised the delicate web of my family in order to appear a “picture perfect” Christian…or cupcake. And forgot that being called to be a “peace maker” is not the same as being a “peace keeper” – peace makers stand up for the just and righteous. Peace makers do the hard things and don’t run from conflict but settle conflict because in doing so, we bring ourselves and others closer to the Father.

But just like my good, good Father always does, He used the insults, the crazy week, that web, and that beautiful spider to remind me that His love covers all. His grace covers all. His faithfulness covers all and is endless. He will purify my unrighteousness and pursue me to change from the inside out – cupcake and all because guess what? I am not perfect (sometimes too salty and sometimes too sweet), but I serve a perfect, loving, and forgiving God.

XOXO, Loni -an endless work in progress