Undoctrinated Daughter

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It ALWAYS protects, ALWAYS trusts, ALWAYS hopes, ALWAYS perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Puddle of tears. Don’t mind me over here – just trying to write while I cry in all the emotions of watching my eldest blossom and mature and strive towards becoming all she is meant to be. Cry. Cry. Cry.

As I was preparing to write this morning, I was scrolling through my pictures for inspirations from life and praying, and I happened to open my bible to the front flap as well. Tucked away, secure and hidden, was the picture on the left of my eldest and I at the beach when she was 3 years old. At the same time, on my phone, was the picture on the right. Cry. Cry. Cry.

As I sat, prayed, and thought about what a thief time is, I also realized how short our time with our children really is. When they are babies, we think about how long and hard the days are but the years are so short. When they are toddlers, we think about how tired and long the days are because we are running and playing and doing all the things that are exciting and fun. When they enter school, we get caught up in all the schoolwork and making friends and playing sports. When they become teenagers, we experience teenage angst, friendships and loss, and all the pleasure and pain of growing up. Adulthood – well, we aren’t quite there yet, but I know it too will carry it’s own beauty and weight. Cry. Cry. Cry – this is ridiculous this morning.

The tears are because I love this girl so much. My momma used to tell me, “I love you so much, you don’t even know.” And much like my eldest, I would roll my eyes, and say, “Oh, Boogs.” But now, looking at my child – REALLY looking at my child, I get it now, mom.

1 Corinthians 13 is often over-recited at weddings. It’s beautiful, but it is not just for the happy wedding day. These verses are for life. These verses are a beautiful reminder of how we should love – ALWAYS. These verses remind me of how I still fail to love fully and completely how God calls me to love – even this beautiful eldest child.

Prideful – unfortunately.

Impatient – sometimes.

Easily angered – at times, yep.

And when I get down on the failures of loving the way God calls me to love, He gently reminds me, “I love you so much, you don’t even know,” – just like my momma. His love washes away the pride and brings humility. His patience overrides all my impatience and calls me to be still. His love covers my anger and hurt with peace and comfort. His love is perfect, and every day I get the privilege to walk out this life striving and persevering to love better – ALWAYS.

The days are long, but the years are short. I’m going to squeeze that hug a little longer, give the kiss, make the coffee, and be still. I’m going to love deeper and love always because all those around me are always growing, growing, gone and I want them (I need them) to know, experience, and feel the love of the savior through me. . .

Always.

XOXO, Loni