Undoctrinated Daughter

If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, Even there Your hand shall hold me, And Your right hand shall hold me. – Psalm 139: 9-10

In a world of social media, influencers, pictures, and life highlight reels, it is difficult to recognize solitude and silence as a gift. Since August, the Lord has had me in a place of stillness and quiet. I have the occasional gathering or family get together, but my texts, calls, and coffee dates with friends are rare. I went from leading and pastoring to a place of listening and stillness. I went from busy weekends to empty weekend slots and Sundays without preparation and a church family. But before you start feeling bad for me or thinking something went or is wrong, hear me out – this is where I NEED to be. This is where my Father, my Abba, WANTS me to be.

During this time, I had the chance to reflect, pray, and seek Him wholly for myself, my children, my husband, my family – His good and perfect plans. At first, I felt selfish and complacent and without Kingdom purpose. God has given me gifts in teaching and speaking, and when natural “talkers” sit and wait in silence and solitude – it is not exactly the ideal way you think you are using your gifts. At first, I felt excluded and left out. At first, I felt like all the people around me were being used and flourishing in their gifts and talents, and I wasn’t doing anything with purpose or that God was no longer using me. Feelings of inadequacy and jealousy started to creep in, and I just didn’t understand.

And then, like God always does, He kept bringing me reminders about the Who – not the why. “Why” I was and am in this place is not important. The “Who” is. I read a great quote that “sometimes God puts you in places alone because He needs you to realize you do NOT need anybody but Him.” My “Who” is Him – my good, good Father. My protector and provider. My beginning and end. When we “why” we tend to allow our fickle feelings to take control and create feelings that are ugly and self-loathing. We let the “why” cloud our vision of what God is doing in the unseen. The “why” hinders our faith and growth in WHO He is! Our identify, affirmation, and encouragement can only come from within – our life is hidden with Christ (Colossians 3:3-4). The events, invites, highlight reels and posts cannot create or define who you are – only Christ can be our true identify for those who love and follow Him.

I know that God is not going to keep me in this season for the long term. Instead, He is disciplining me and rooting me back into intimacy with Him. He is willing to speak when we listen – and how do we listen? We listen in the silence, solitude, and rest. All are gifts from heaven despite what the world wants us to believe.

Ladies, you are not forgotten, unseen, or unnoticed – embrace the quiet solitary season if He has you there because even there His hand is upon you. You are never alone.

XOXO, Loni